Being a Mother

Sometimes my girls talk to me about our cats. They think it's the saddest thing in the world that our cats will never be mothers. Their tender little hearts also ache for their unmarried aunts.

They ask me about once a week if our cats are sad that they will never be mothers. Am I sure they will never be mothers? Yes. Does that make them so sad? I am not sure. They think it a tragedy.

That has gotten me thinking about the summer 8 years ago. Joe and I were dating, and most of our conversations and plans centered around having children. How many, what they would look like, the benefits of our gene combination... When I went home one weekend, I told my parents about one such conversation, and my Dad looked a little worried. He said, "you have to promise me that you will marry this young man before any of these children come into being." I just laughed. We were so in love, and we wanted to have a family.

We were married in September, and for a year, no children came. At the end of that year, I began to feel sorrow. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to fill that empty aching space in my heart that can only be filled by children. I shed many tears, and felt a lot of pain. I realize now that that time was very short, and many wait much longer. I was young, and impatient, but my pain was real.

After we had been married 18 months, my prayers were answered. A baby was on its way, and we were thrilled! My heart stopped aching for a baby, but ached with all the tumult and worry of new motherhood. It ached because it was full. Every time a new life is put in my hands, my heart aches even more with joy and fullness. Now, more than 7 years later, every time that prayer is answered, I am honored and grateful.

Father's Day

I was so glad when we got a phone call Saturday night that They would be able to manage without Joe on Sunday morning. The crew was going out at 3 a.m. to start cutting asparagus. Joe would be able to leave the field at 10, come home, get ready, and rush off to church to practice the organ for meetings at 11.

They did just fine without him there, and so he got to rest on Father's Day. We tried to make him feel like a king. We made blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast, showered with gifts and love, and let him take naps.

Isn't this what Father's day is all about? Napping with your kids!

The poor man took 4 naps on Sunday. He's been working way too much.

One more week...

Until the asparagus harvest is over in Washington. At least in the field we are working in. Well, we really means Joe, the one who really works.

I haven't posted in a long time for two reasons: I keep misplacing my USB connector for the camera, and I have been in a brain fog.

Since the middle of February, Joe has been working about 70 hours a week, give or take a little. 12-15 hours a day, 6 days a week. Starting in April, he even had to put some time in every Sunday (usually only about 4 hours or so). To be fair, he got 2 whole days off in April, and it May he was able to come home for a few hours in the afternoon on a few occasions. It has been long. Really long. To be honest, for a while I'd wake up in the middle of the night startled that there was a man in my bed. Then I remembered that yes, I do have a husband (hence the 4.5 children...).

In that time, Joe and his dad have created this:
With three other guys.

It cuts asparagus like this:

Yum!

The only parts they didn't make are the driving tractor, the hydraulics, and the tires. Thousands of parts that came from Kim's head to Joe's computer, to the machinists programs, and out of the CNC milling machine and lathe. I know that was a really technical explanation, but that's really all that I understand about it. :)

It's an amazing feat. And though some of the skeletal elements are the same as last years model, the majority of the machine was made in 4 months at the beginning of this year. They have been harvesting in the field since April, and this is the best machine yet! They have had lots of chances for field testing, and made lots of progress in perfecting the mechanism. It's been a big year for the harvester!

But I am so SICK of the harvester. It is a long and hard road here at home. This is the longest that we've ever had this crazy time, and I am so excited for it to be over!!! Being without Joe so much really puts me in a fog. He is my mainstay.

So, since I couldn't really write anything without whining about being lonely and sick and tired, I have avoided blogging. But, I have lots of things I want to say... When I am out of whiny mode, I'll say it. :)

We took a peek!

After much pondering, and going crazy trying to guess what this baby will be, I decided to get an ultrasound.

The first thing the ultrasound tech found was this baby's goods. Not very modest, I must say. He asked what we have at home. I told him 4 girls. He just started laughing. "Looks like you can just make that 5!" I couldn't believe it. Well, I could, but seriously?

Joe is such a great dad. He just said, "Hey, I love all of our little girls! I'm excited to have more love!" He really enjoys being king of his castle, with all of us girls hovering and loving him all the time.

I must say though, that I am starting to feel panicked like the old time queens feeling frantic about producing an heir. I am trained in biology, and that should set me mind at ease. IT'S NOT MY FAULT! but, I still have vague strange feelings about producing an heir nonetheless.

It's the Haws Curse. Joe's Haws grandparents have about a million grandchildren. Well, only like 65 I think. Of those, I think that there are 7 boys who carry the Haws name. Of those 7 boys, there are 13 great grandchildren so far, and only 3 boys to carry on the Haws name. Two of those 7 grandsons will probably not have children, and three have only had girls so far! (If any of the cousins are reading this, correct me if I'm wrong... it's a lot for an in-law to keep track of!) We just laugh about that.

5 girls. In 6 years. GO ME!

Good heavens!

New Years Resolutions

So, my camera is dead, and I can't find replacement batteries yet (as in, no I haven't gone through all of the batteries yet to find the camera ones, not as though they are impossible to find. i am sure they are in stores everywhere). Yet another post with no photographs of my cute kids. But coming soon, I promise. :)

A confession. When I read many blog posts at the beginning of the year about resolutions, I became overwhelmed. "Climb all local mountains higher than 1 mile high," "Live entirely on beans wheat and salt for a whole year, and make my family love it." "Lose the 5 pounds I gained when i had my fourth child (since I never gained any before)," "Scrub my floors with a toothbrush every Saturday," "Take my kids to every national monument twice, and write a book about each." OK, I will confess... these are exaggerated, but they seemed as reasonable to me as the ones I saw. As I read, they made me tired.

I made one goal. My New Years Resolution 2010: I WILL NOT GET PREGNANT.

Seemed reasonable. Simple. Attainable.

Oops. It lasted two weeks, and then we got the surprising, wonderful news. We are expecting Baby Haws Number 5.

In answer to FAQ:
Q: Are we crazy?
A: Of course we are!

Q: Did you plan that?
A: Of course not. How rude of you to ask.

Q: What are you going to do?
A: We have no idea. Just keep going.

Q: When will baby #5 be here?
A: Probably end of September.

Q: How do you feel about this?
A: We are thrilled. Nervous, but thrilled.

Q: How would you feel about 5 girls?
A: We could make another great movie about families of 5 girls, joining the ranks with "Fiddler on the Roof" and "Pride and Prejudice," and share our experiences marrying off 5 girls.

Q: What happens if it's a boy?
A: Joe breathes a big sigh of relief. The Haws name continues for another generation.

In the end, I have to thank Shannon, my sweet midwife. When I called to tell her the news (just 2 weeks after telling her there would be no baby this year), she said, with a big smile, "I guess God has other plans for you." That sums up how we feel. While it wasn't in our plans, we know it was in His, and we are happy to be part of His Great Plan.

Bedtime

It's 7:30, Time for jammies! Oh wait, uh... half of my kids are in their jammies. Because they are very obedient and got jammied themselves? Oh no. Because I didn't want to fight the battle, and 2 of 4 have been wearing their jammies all day. Exploring the backyard in feetie jammies and snow boots when it is definitely warm enough to put the snow boots away. Another battle I haven't fought.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

The Lost Kitten

This is a story about Frances, our timid kitten. She is very careful, and very loving. Olivia got a new dolly stroller for her birthday. Frances, understanding that she would probably spend much time being swaddled inside it in future weeks, tried it out as soon as she saw it. Frances very rarely goes outside, and never goes out by herself. She sleeps with the kids every night.

Every night but Wednesday night. Wednesday night I heard some cat howling outside the front door and went to investigate (I have to mention here that Wednesday night was the only night that all four children slept through the night in 2 months, so I was not thrilled that the cats were crying outside). When I opened the front door, no cat came in. I saw two cats, but none came in, and I didn't wait or chase them down. I went to bed with two fleeting thoughts: kittens will come soon, or this is her first fight. You will be aghast at my callousness, but it was 2:30 AM, and I have four young children, and must therefor be excused for mid-night insensitivity to animals.

Thursday morning, I was hoping she would run in when Joe left for work. Nope. I was hoping she would cry at the door when the kids woke up. Nope. I hoped that she would come home before they noticed she was gone. Nope. I hoped they would just let the fact that she was missing pass without grief. Nope. By 10 AM, all three coherent girls were balling their eyes out.

I thought of a prayer. I told the girls that we should all kneel together and pray for Frances. I said a prayer asking Heavenly Father to help Frances come home, and to take care of her if she was lost or hurt. I must confess that I didn't have a lot of hope, but I hoped that the prayer would distract the girls and calm them down. After we got up, they all said to me with tears in their eyes, "I know that Heavenly Father will help Frances come home." They had such sweet faith.

Then came my lesson. We went downstairs, and there she was, just running up to the back porch. The girls burst the door open and smothered her with love and kisses. Then we knelt down to say a prayer of thanks, and haven't lost her since.


This is a picture of Callie. She is so used to being carried around in small spaces, she prefers them now, and we find her asleep in tight spots like this frequently.