Being a Mother

Sometimes my girls talk to me about our cats. They think it's the saddest thing in the world that our cats will never be mothers. Their tender little hearts also ache for their unmarried aunts.

They ask me about once a week if our cats are sad that they will never be mothers. Am I sure they will never be mothers? Yes. Does that make them so sad? I am not sure. They think it a tragedy.

That has gotten me thinking about the summer 8 years ago. Joe and I were dating, and most of our conversations and plans centered around having children. How many, what they would look like, the benefits of our gene combination... When I went home one weekend, I told my parents about one such conversation, and my Dad looked a little worried. He said, "you have to promise me that you will marry this young man before any of these children come into being." I just laughed. We were so in love, and we wanted to have a family.

We were married in September, and for a year, no children came. At the end of that year, I began to feel sorrow. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to fill that empty aching space in my heart that can only be filled by children. I shed many tears, and felt a lot of pain. I realize now that that time was very short, and many wait much longer. I was young, and impatient, but my pain was real.

After we had been married 18 months, my prayers were answered. A baby was on its way, and we were thrilled! My heart stopped aching for a baby, but ached with all the tumult and worry of new motherhood. It ached because it was full. Every time a new life is put in my hands, my heart aches even more with joy and fullness. Now, more than 7 years later, every time that prayer is answered, I am honored and grateful.